Live Your Way to The Answer

Everyone should get a yoga gift certificate for Christmas. Particularly in winter, when frigidity and tenseness go hand-in-hand, the warmth and serenity of a yoga studio is the most perfect respite. I got a punch card as a gift and it has indeed kept giving.

There's a yoga studio four minutes from our house, so the convenience eliminates the excuse of distance. It's clean, the instructors are amazing and the class times are practical. Wednesday night is sacred yoga time for me. My darling husband knows this and sends me off with a smile despite the screaming, half-dressed children circling his legs.

My compulsive punctuality delivers me early to class. This allows me that coveted back corner spot with a Feng Shui view of the room. I can be clumsy without fear of embarrassment. I select my block, bolster and blanket from the shelves and take my own mat out of its woven carrying bag.

I use the time until class starts to lay down on my mat and appreciate the luxury of having responsibility for nothing and no one but myself in these moments. No one's going to cry or whine or scream at me. I have nothing to pick up or wipe down or load or unload or plan or check off. It's just me and my body.

The buttery walls emanate calm. Soft moons on the ceiling gently illuminate the room in a flattering light. Carefully placed potted trees fill in any sharp corners. Emptiness fills the rest.

The class starts with meditation and breathing and maybe three OMs. Then warm-ups and stretches and poses and reminders to pull shoulders back. I can never remember the names of the poses. I often promise to become more serious about practicing yoga, but who am I kidding. It's fine for me as it is. Don't try to make a happy baby happier.

Yoga is usually more strenuous than I think it'll be. I challenge myself, but that's only apparent when my limbs start trembling or a pained grimace appears on my face. Or sometimes a barely audible "Oh shit" whispers out in an exhale. This is no time to back down, I tell myself. You may not get another chance to work out until next Wednesday.

No matter how tough or tame the session might be, it's certain that at some point I'll gratefully proclaim, "This is awesome." Last night I thought that twice. The first was during a rest after a challenging pose. The second was at the end of class while our eyes were closed in meditation. The instructor was reciting some spiritual phrases which ended in: "Live your way to the answer."

Live your way to the answer. It's deep. I love it.

But wait. I don't have a question. Why don't I have a question? Doesn't everyone have a question? The meaning of life? The existence of God? Slingbacks or mules? Surely I must have something. My eyes popped open, meditation over. I was stumped but somehow reassured that when I did have a question, I had a plan. I rolled my mat into its bag and limply noodled my way home.

This morning I awoke with the blissful soreness that comes when your muscles marinate all night in lactic acid. So satisfying. I did something good for myself that made me happy. Now if I can just live my way to next Wednesday night.

The Countdown Starts Today

George Clooney opened the night for me with his dependable charm. When Regis said to him during the red carpet show, "It used to be everyone wanted to be Cary Grant. Now they want to be George Clooney," Clooney instantly responded, "That's because Cary Grant is dead and no one wants to be dead." You never disappoint, do you George.

The night could have gone downhill from there had it not been for Jon Stewart. I laughed his entire intro and I think he did a fine job interjecting much-needed comedy relief throughout the show. My favorite joke might have been when he pointed out that Jessica Alba was pregnant and Cate Blanchett was pregnant but the night was still young and Jack Nicholson was here, so there would be a re-tally at the end of the night. Ha. Also, Gaydolf Titler. It's funny.

I had to chuckle when The Rock came onstage to present because he reminded me of something Harrison always says when he hears me talking about our presidential race. He says, "I want DeRock to be president." He means Barack, of course. So I laughed because Harrison would be the youngest campaign manager ever if The Rock was actually running for anything. He'd settle for payment in gum, I'm sure.

I love this picture of the Best Actor and Actress winners. They look like old friends having fun. The kind of fun you can only have if you've earned it. I'm thrilled Cotillard won and got the recognition she so deserved.

The surprise of my night was when Tilda Swinton won. She did a decent job portraying an uneasy, amateur villain, and I've appreciated her in past movies, but I didn't think anyone would ever truly notice her. Good for her and her interesting love life.

Not the most scintillating Oscars ever (I used all the song performances to do dishes and loads of laundry) but I did get excited adding a few movies to my Netflix queue. Also, I noticed botox isn't nearly as popular in Hollywood as one would think. Thank you HD for that unairbrushed boost of confidence. Just 364 days til the next Oscars.

Anticipation and Atonement

I love movies. I grew up loving movies and my love never wavered. I use movies to laugh, cry and learn. I use them for emotional release and emotional numbing. They are my favorite escape and I'd rather watch a good movie than do almost anything else.

So it goes without saying that when the Oscars come around, I get giddy. I get so giddy that I have to restrain myself because if something prevented me from watching the Oscars, the disappointment would be unbearable. Or rather, I would be unbearable to be around. Take away my TV for the other 364 days, but give it back on Oscar night.

Every year I try to watch as many Oscar movies as I can to build on the excitement. I never get very far unless most are already out on video, but I try nonetheless. This year, I've been most successful in catching the performances of the nominees for Best Actress. This is my favorite category because I love watching women act. I love that they don't have to hold back emotion as they are required to in real life. I love watching the dramatization of unmedicated reality.

This year I've seen four of the five best actress performances. I haven't seen Laura Linney in The Savages, but I'm anxiously anticipating it. Here are my mini reviews of the other leading ladies:

Cate Blanchett - Elizabeth: The Golden Age
She was the first I watched, so my memory is not as sharp, but she did well. She's so spectacular in everything she's in, that the expectations are high. Unfortunately the rest of the movie wasn't great, so I think it dulled her golden performance.

Julie Christie - Away From Her
Christie plays a woman who is losing her mind to Alzheimer's. She is convincing, absorbing and lovely. She made me grateful to have my mind intact (most of the time) and even more grateful that my husband is still all there. I think losing your spouse to dementia would be worse than losing them to death.

Ellen Page - Juno
I suppose for a girl her age she did fine. She was given an ingenious script and was perfectly cast. I was more impressed with Jennifer Garner as the adoptive mother.

Marion Cotillard - La Vie en Rose
In my post about La Vie en Rose I didn't go into much detail about her performance, simply saying it was brilliant. But now that I've seen the other contenders, I believe it was more than that. Cotillard put her soul into Piaf and pushed the boundaries of exertion to bleed her life to us. She deserves to win.

Of the Best Pictures I've only seen Juno and Atonement so I can't make any comparisons, but I have to say Atonement was one of the most precisely directed movies I've ever seen. I thought for sure it was nominated for Best Director, but it's not. The flow and pace made beautiful love together. There is one long, uninterrupted scene of hundreds of WWII troops on the beach that is drawn out with such perfection and attention to detail that I was completely blown away. Even Keira Knightley was directed away from being annoying. Bravo.

I want to see the dresses and the perfect skin. I want to hear the cheesy pre-show interviews and the commentary. And HELLO Jon Stewart! I've already stocked up on the salami, cheese, dip, crackers, champers. Bring it on.

Farewell Ms. Gladiator?

It has been thrilling to see Obama maintain his momentum, picking up supporters wherever his aura emanates. At this moment he looks poised to take the nomination and debate McCain. Cool. But I can't help feeling a little sad for Hillary. Now that she's qualified for underdog status, I feel more permitted to talk about her kindly.

I'm dejected not because she's on a losing streak, but because I think she's been overly criticized for someone so respectably qualified. It's impossible to dislike Obama, agreed. But why is it so difficult to like, or even respect Hillary?

Is it because she has so many political years and decisions under her belt that it's easy to find something to pick at? Or is it because she's been picked on for so long that it's just become a habit?

I often hear the criticism over her vote on Iraq, which is valid to an extent. But I was under the impression that Obama was never in the exact situation, so the comparison doesn't seem entirely fair.

Joseph C. Wilson (husband of outed CIA officer Valerie Plame Wilson) posted today with an explanation about that vote, as well as the claim that Hillary is "Battle-Tested". He says her being battle-tested gives her an edge over McCain. Well, I thought that before too, but at this point the argument seems outdated. So much of what I'm hearing and reading (about the independent vote, support from unexpected people and sheer mobilizing inspiration) indicates that he has a better chance.

While I revere Obama like everyone else, it still aches a bit to see Hillary crushed, not just in polls or caucuses but in hearts. I'll still cheer her on, albeit quietly, as so many Clinton supporters I know did by not attending their caucuses last weekend.

P.S. Thank you Robin for encouraging me to have and express my opinions, however much I fear being wrong. Expression is part of my learning process, and you're my favorite teacher. Thanks.

Chrysalis

I'm feeling out of sorts and all I want to do is be a chrysalis, buried in my bed, finishing my three books: French Women For All Seasons, The Audacity of Hope and The Complete Stories of Truman Capote.

I just started The Audacity of Hope yesterday, how could I resist any longer. It had been sitting on my shelf for months, occasionally touched by the duster and my line of vision. So far it's a pleasant read, but I'm only on page twelve.

The Complete Stories of Truman Capote was a Christmas gift and it didn't take long for me to start it. Short stories are a practical option when you never have longer than fifteen or twenty minutes to read. The stories aren't all that exciting, but his composition and creativity flow so beautifully, you almost forget the content. He could write about fish guts and you'd fall in love with them.

French Women For All Seasons is a mini vacation from the bad habit of misery. Mireille Guiliano, who also wrote French Women Don't Get Fat and was CEO of Clicquot, Inc, presents the seasons as wondrous gifts that deserve our active appreciation. She offers recipes, tips and personal anecdotes to enhance the unique pleasures of each season. Even winter has its charms, but perhaps I need to try one of the recipes to be convinced. I'm two-thirds through and I've ambitiously placed post-it tabs on half the recipes.

I'm not asking for a full winter hibernation. Just a few days in my cocoon after which I would emerge bright and colorful.

Caucusing is Cool

Last month I had no idea what a caucus was and linked to a critique of the ones in Iowa. Today I experienced it firsthand and rather liked it.

The plan was for me to go alone while the kids stayed home with Robin, but after reading that kids were welcome, I suggested he come with me. If the kids acted up, one of us could take them outside so the other could continue to participate.

I was determined to get to the church where the caucus was held right at 1pm or a few minutes earlier, which we did. I made the mistake of bringing the double stroller with us. I thought it would give the kids a place to sit if there happened to be lots of standing. The building was so packed that I nearly knocked over a few walking canes with the stroller, so I parked it in a hall and carried G so I wouldn't lose her in the swarm.

We signed in and were directed to "the choir room" that held our precinct. Since we were early we found seats, but by the time all eighty people were in the room, it was standing room only. I chatted with a mom who lives on our block and we vowed to finally get the kids together to play.

After about five minutes Harrison asked, "So when will the president be here?" I wasn't sure he'd make it the whole time, but there were about ten other young kids there so I was in good company. He got very wiggly about twenty minutes into the reading of the rules, but once he started flirting with a ten-year-old girl, I knew we'd be fine. She had braces, so he was immediately attracted.

After the rules were read the floor was opened up for commenting. There were an equal number of pro-Clinton and pro-Obama comments even though the tally at the end was 2-to-1 for Obama. Almost twenty people spoke. I was mesmerized.

One woman asked which candidate would do more to deal with climate change, another asked about health care. Clinton came out ahead for both of these, according to the comments. She came out ahead for pretty much all the issue matters. These folks had an understanding of her plans and promoted her expertise on the issues.

The comments for Obama were more emotional and centered on change and inspiration. A couple college students talked about being inspired and moved to action. The older supporters spoke compellingly about his ability to win the election and bring people together. No one was swayed to the Clinton side, but a few undecideds were swayed to Obama.

The discussion was fascinating to me. Here I was sitting with my closest neighbors, listening to them passionately air their opinions. I could have sat there all day, but right as the leader was reading the final tally Gigi started fussing LOUDLY so I tripped my way through the crowd and out the door and strained to hear from the hall.

I thanked the woman who worked for the EPA for her Clinton comments. Robin thanked and shook hands with the man who gave the most moving speech for Obama. We both felt really good about being there and taking part. I know absentee ballots are easier and probably more accurate, but I have to say I appreciated being forced to have the physical experience. It was a family moment, it was a neighborly moment, it was a community moment. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Follow-Up

Thanks for your great comments on Electability. I SO appreciate learning from friends. Thanks, Amy for "reminding" me that my primary vote won't count. Only the caucuses will count.

Here's a follow-up to my thoughts on electability, posted today: McCain Has Some Questions For Obama.

Now I'd like to lighten things up with Sarah Silverman. I know most people have seen it, but if you haven't, you're welcome. (Mom, you don't need to see this.)

Electability?

I tried to watch last night's debate, I really did. To keep the kids from biting my ankles I put on some PBS in the living room, which meant I'd have to watch the debate on my laptop in the kitchen while making dinner.

I struggled to hear the dialogue over the sizzling in the pan and the bickering from the kids, but from what I did catch, I thought they were both incredibly strong. Of course I'd be thrilled if they could take turns in the White House. But since Hillary is no spring chicken, might I suggest age before beauty. I do still think Hillary is more electable for now. I could be wrong. Am I?

But here's the new thing: with McCain closer than ever to the nomination, I'm not sure electability matters as much as it did before. Because who in their right mind would vote for McCain? And it's not all the same ones who voted for Bush because I've heard even conservatives don't like him.

While my gut tells me electability matters a little less now (meaning Obama and Hillary might have the same chance of beating McCain), this guy says it's ALL that matters. And it sounds like he's in the Obama camp, though he doesn't admit it by name.

I've heard so little debate about all this from people I know, and I know everyone has an opinion.

On a related note, my friend told me about this quiz (there are others like it) that calculates which candidate fits you best. I thought for sure I'd fall in line with Kucinich or Obama, but Hillary turned out to be my best match (Kucinich and Edwards are no longer part of the quiz, but they were when I first took it a couple weeks ago). On the one hand I felt validated since I'm uncomfortable with the accusation that the only reason I support her is because I'm a woman. On the other hand, I must be more conservative than I claim to be. And guess who came in last as a match for me? You guessed it - McCain.