Permission to Smile
Back in January I told Robin that the only thing I wanted for my birthday (which was in March) was a long weekend alone. Three days of doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Once he said okay I spent much of my days dreaming about that weekend: When I'd get up. What I'd read. What movies I'd rent. Where I'd go, if anywhere at all. This past weekend was my weekend alone, my own personal vacation.
But before the recap, a big juicy kiss needs to go to Robin. He surprised me before leaving when he gave me another birthday present. A - HELLO - MacBook! I was so shocked I cried. He knew I'd been wanting to write to maintain my sanity, and this was his encouragement. He may as well have asked me to marry him again, that was the reaction he got. I didn't even know I wanted a laptop! Strange how technology works. So thank you thank you thank again Robin.
I suppose I should have felt a smidge guilty about being so content alone without my family. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be happy. They are the reason for my unconditional happiness. Of course I get bored, frustrated, sad sometimes. But basically if they're okay, I'm okay.
That said, and since I knew they'd return to me unharmed within a few days, BOY DID I HAVE A GREAT TIME LAST WEEKEND!
Ahem, I mean, it was nice.
I'd spent the previous week doing a modified version of spring cleaning so I wouldn't be tempted to spend the whole weekend with rubber gloves on. Sure, I did a thing here and there, but it was a sharp contrast to the amount of cleaning I do every day. (Really, "stay-at-home mom" is just a nice way of saying MAID.) I didn't vacuum twice a day. I didn't make 12 meals a day. I didn't bend over 400 times a day to pick things up off the floor. Here is what I did do:
Finished reading Little Children. A fun read, especially if you're a stay-at-home mom or dad.
Read the news online. All of it.
Stayed up until midnight. Just one night though, I'm not reckless mind you.
Stayed in bed until 8am every morning.
Watched Half Nelson. Ryan Gosling does do a fantastic job, even if the rest of the movie is slow.
Watched Gideon's Daughter. Good movie. Billy Nighy is a pleasure as always.
Watched Mr & Mrs Bridge. Nowhere near exciting, but Paul Newman's in it, so it's okay.
Wrote a story at Starbucks.
Chatted with girlfriends.
Sat a whole lot. So much that I think I gained a couple pounds, forgetting how much energy the kids take out every day.
I kept breaking out into a wide grin, which I would actually stop myself from doing because I didn't think it was a proper thing for a good mommy to do. And then finally I'd let myself go. I'd turn up the stereo (Dido) and lay on the couch and smile. A grateful smile. Grateful for the family I had and grateful for the things I could appreciate when the house was quiet.
When Robin came home with the kids, they were happy to see me, and I them. I took the kids to the park, then gave them dinner and put them to bed without screaming at them or freaking out a single time. I'd built up patience and resilience over the weekend and it did a world of good. Isn't that what vacations are for?
But before the recap, a big juicy kiss needs to go to Robin. He surprised me before leaving when he gave me another birthday present. A - HELLO - MacBook! I was so shocked I cried. He knew I'd been wanting to write to maintain my sanity, and this was his encouragement. He may as well have asked me to marry him again, that was the reaction he got. I didn't even know I wanted a laptop! Strange how technology works. So thank you thank you thank again Robin.
I suppose I should have felt a smidge guilty about being so content alone without my family. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be happy. They are the reason for my unconditional happiness. Of course I get bored, frustrated, sad sometimes. But basically if they're okay, I'm okay.
That said, and since I knew they'd return to me unharmed within a few days, BOY DID I HAVE A GREAT TIME LAST WEEKEND!
Ahem, I mean, it was nice.
I'd spent the previous week doing a modified version of spring cleaning so I wouldn't be tempted to spend the whole weekend with rubber gloves on. Sure, I did a thing here and there, but it was a sharp contrast to the amount of cleaning I do every day. (Really, "stay-at-home mom" is just a nice way of saying MAID.) I didn't vacuum twice a day. I didn't make 12 meals a day. I didn't bend over 400 times a day to pick things up off the floor. Here is what I did do:
Finished reading Little Children. A fun read, especially if you're a stay-at-home mom or dad.
Read the news online. All of it.
Stayed up until midnight. Just one night though, I'm not reckless mind you.
Stayed in bed until 8am every morning.
Watched Half Nelson. Ryan Gosling does do a fantastic job, even if the rest of the movie is slow.
Watched Gideon's Daughter. Good movie. Billy Nighy is a pleasure as always.
Watched Mr & Mrs Bridge. Nowhere near exciting, but Paul Newman's in it, so it's okay.
Wrote a story at Starbucks.
Chatted with girlfriends.
Sat a whole lot. So much that I think I gained a couple pounds, forgetting how much energy the kids take out every day.
I kept breaking out into a wide grin, which I would actually stop myself from doing because I didn't think it was a proper thing for a good mommy to do. And then finally I'd let myself go. I'd turn up the stereo (Dido) and lay on the couch and smile. A grateful smile. Grateful for the family I had and grateful for the things I could appreciate when the house was quiet.
When Robin came home with the kids, they were happy to see me, and I them. I took the kids to the park, then gave them dinner and put them to bed without screaming at them or freaking out a single time. I'd built up patience and resilience over the weekend and it did a world of good. Isn't that what vacations are for?
posted by Anne at 5:30 PM
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