Swimsuit

Trying on swimsuits less than a year after having a baby must rank among the most stressful events in a woman's life. Between trying to hide flaw #7, and making sure the baby doesn't swallow one of those boobie-stuffer-thingys, there are moments when sitting in rush hour traffic sounds like a fun place to be.

I earnestly suggested to the salesperson that they should serve a cocktail to anyone daring to go into a dressing room. Or at least each room should have its own support group. And how about dimming the lights a bit? I'd rather have sex on a fully lit operating table than try on a tankini under 2 fluorescent bulbs.

The good news is I did find a one-piece that didn't make me look like the Saggy Baggy Elephant stuffed into Paris Hilton's bikini. Four weeks until I wear this thing out in public. At least where I'm going, they do serve cocktails.